Ascent into the Depths of Madness
by DancingDragonBlaze
Summary: The tighter you hold onto your sanity, the more it struggles to be free. Of both you and your asperity. Innuendic ItaSasu. 'M' just because. Dedication One Shot.


**Yo. **

**Before I say anything, I claim immunity. Do not kill me. **

**I'll make this short. **

**Life has been hectic, plain and simple. Social life has been the pits (with my fucking ex actually having the guts to APOLOGIZE for dumping me on my sixteenth birthday and saying that it was all a lie and that I was worthless and merely a pawn in his fucked up game) and absolutely amazing (with my third wife giving me the first REAL Valentine's Day gift outside of my family that I've ever gotten). I love my life, but my ex needs to die. A guy THAT screwed up doesn't deserve to live. **

**And my Internet has been screwy. I'm sorry. But to make it up, I've got a LOT of updates waiting for you. **

**Hope this makes up for it you guys. **

**This is a dedication one shot to the amazing **_**myownlife**_**. I'm sorry I didn't have the nineteenth chapter of **_**So Cold **_**ready for you and you had to update without me betaing that chapter (I feel like such a horrible beta! DX) so I hope this makes up for it. I wasn't able to get the exact plot line you wanted (again, I feel horrible) but I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

**By the way you guys, this is ITASASU! You really can't tell, but you can take a very good guess! For those reviewers of mine who don't like ITASASU, read at your own risk! I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY REACTIONS YOU HAVE AFTER READING THIS FIC AFTER I WARNED YOU!**

**It never says Itachi's name, but you can totally tell. **

**I suppose. Maybe I shouldn't have told you guys...**

**Ah, it's Sunday, I feel fat and I still have homework to do at eight at night. Ugh. XP**

**Everyone, enjoy.**

**Dedication One Shot**

**Ascent into the Depths of Madness**

You're standing above me now. Gasping and snarling like some insane, trapped animal, blood pouring from endless wounds, mingling with the rain and the mud and the tears – never have I seen you so human.

_(So raw)_

Those eyes of yours – eyes of insane, bloodied skies – they're ever moving, ever shifting, ever _seeking _for something I know I can't even begin to fathom.

There's no way I can reach you now.

_(Gone gone forever) _

When I realize that my heart weighs heavily in my heart, and I wonder when I ever _wanted _to reach you.

_(All those years ago when everything was okay and life was happy and blood didn't drip from deceptive hands) _

There was a time when I wanted to kill you.

It was because of hatred then.

But now I just want to put you out of your misery.

_(So much pain so much agony make it stop)_

You're staring down at me now. Staring at me with those empty red eyes that are torn by three black blades, blades that tempt me with the sweet, sweet emptiness within them that pulses with insanity.

Your insanity.

_(Where did it go wrong)_

"Do you know what today is?" You suddenly ask me, making me blink up at you with the cold, muddy ground at my back and the cold rain pelting me – both of us – from above.

You grin at me, and I fight from flinching at the glint of madness in your eyes.

"It's your birthday, Sasuke." The way you say my name is icy, mocking, and I'm not surprised that that – of all of your characteristics – hasn't changed.

_(Always mocking always hating) _

But you're right. Now that I think about it, it IS that day – today is the seventeenth anniversary of the day I was born. I marvel at the fact that – through the haze of your insanity – you're able to remember that little fact.

Maybe you're not as far away as I thought.

_(Please let it be so) _

But when you move to crouch above me, hands on the muddy ground on either side of me and those eyes – still that _angry_ red – drilling deep into my soul, I realize you're farther away from me than you ever have been.

I choke, and when I feel warm droplets slide down my face, I tell myself it's just rain.

_(Please God no) _

But you know better.

Your knees settle down, straddling my thighs and weighing me down. I wonder if you knew I could easily throw you off – easily _kill_ you – and then I wonder if you care.

Do you? Do you care about death anymore? About dying?

What do you want now?

_(Tell me) _

Your face comes closer to mine, and I wonder – through all of this – if you know what you're doing.

Are those eyes the culprits?

The ones that are making you insane?

Are they the things that took you away?

I want to wrench them out of your skull.

_(Kill them) _

"What do you want for your birthday, Sasuke?" You ask me sweetly, but those eyes ruin it – they want me to die, want me to surrender.

I know immediately what to say.

But I don't say a word.

I pray it's better that way.

_(Come back) _

"Well?" You ask, your madness eating away at your patience. I merely look at those eyes for a moment, and wonder why I haven't been drawn into their web yet.

Then I realize I wonder too much.

_(Let go) _

I suddenly see you differently then. Differently but yet so maddeningly the same.

"I want you back," I breathe to you, my voice hoarse from screaming and crying and begging. Pride lay forgotten behind me now. There is only you. You in this raging silence of tears and rain and blood.

_(See that) _

You grin again and your face is so close to mine, those eyes drilling into my own.

"You want me back, Sasuke?" You reply, your voice cold enough to match your eyes. "Well then…" your hand is at my jaw, your arm around my back. "Who am I to deny you on your birthday?"

Suddenly the warmth of your madness washes over me, filling that cold and empty void you had slashed open within me all those years ago and driving back the aching pain.

_(Anything to make it stop) _

I fall backwards as your face suddenly presses against mine, those accursed eyes of yours finally glowing with their legendary murderous intensity.

I sigh as everything goes black.

So it's finally begun.

_(Thank God for it) _

When I awake again, it is in the world I know too well. I'm in what I immediately recognize as your old room, on the bed that still has your scent lingering in its folds.

I immediately relax onto the blankets, allowing myself to close my eyes. This place is special in this world. You only take me to this place to make me remember who I am, not _what _I am.

Being an avenger is overrated.

_(Always is) _

I dully wonder where you are, but I immediately stop, telling myself not to wonder, not to think. You know what you're doing. Even in your insanity, you know what I want, what we both crave.

Everything will be fine.

_(Hoping is the only thing left) _

I keep my eyes closed as I feel a presence beside me. I know who it is – who else could it be? – and I wait patiently as you set a hand on my chest, right over my heart, as if to check I'm still alive.

Heh. Why would you even care?

"Why are you still afraid?" I ask softly, opening my eyes to look at you through half-closed lids.

You don't answer. You expected this question. I always ask it.

Insanity can't break routine.

_(Tries so hard) _

"Why are you so confident?" You reply to my question. You always do.

This is when you lean over and kiss me, at first tenderly but then a bit more forceful, a bit more demanding.

But you don't do this now.

_(What on earth) _

Suddenly you're straddling me again, and I'm shocked into reality at your silent command. The mud is still soaking my back, giving me chills as it mixes with my blood. The rain is still coming down in waves, stinging my body into numbness as it hits – like tiny hail stones.

You're grinning down at me, your eyes still red, but the black blades nowhere to be seen.

I can only stare up at you in confusion.

_(Never understanding) _

"Today is special, Sasuke," you tell me simply. "I won't give you that pleasure without pain. Today is your birthday, Sasuke. We must make it special."

This only affirmed what I first thought.

You have truly lost your mind.

_(Sadly enough) _

I remember you always liked to say you were sane. Everything you did, you said it was because you were the only sane person on the face of the earth, and no one else realized it.

I realized it.

I also realized that knowing you're the last sane person on the face of the earth made you crazy.

I can only weep for you. Weep for you as you take my jaw in your hand and plant a forceful kiss on my mouth, forcing my lips open and taking control with that demanding tongue of yours as your body presses down hard on top of mine.

_(Tears are so painful when they're shed for the lost) _

"It doesn't have to be like this," I manage to gasp out as you try to strip me of my clothes, turned ragged by our battle – a battle of kunai and flame and hatred – to reveal my broken and bruised body, equally ragged. "You can still be free."

You grin from around my throat.

"There is no way," you breathe ever so softly to me, your breath tickling the shell of my ear. "No way at all."

_(So long to those wishes)_

Then your clothes are gone and we're rolling in the mud and fighting like we always do, trading blows with battered teeth and lips and tongue as we fight a battle of flesh – a battle of nails and fucked-up love and broken promises – to reveal our equally battered hearts. I know you want to turn my heart ragged like yours – to drag me down with you into the depths of the madness that makes you whisper death threats in my ear while gripping me like a lifeline as you take me with all the power you possess, burning me from the inside out with that love I _know _you hold, no matter _how _screwed up it is – but I can't take that plunge with you.

I won't give up my happiness for you to find yours.

If you can call being trapped in your own mind _happiness_.

_(No never) _

I'm selfish like that.

Like you.

Your teeth are sharp in my throat, drawing blood and determined to make a mark I won't soon forget as you move within me, gracing that spot that makes me shudder in your arms as you whisper all the ways you want to kill me, all the tortures you can put me through.

But I know you won't do a single one.

_(With all those wishes comes incapability) _

You're selfish too.

Your madness makes you hot – you had some margin of sanity at the beginning, when we first crossed paths, but it's long gone now – and that heat is transferred to me. I fight against what comes with it – the temptation of blissful nothingness with you – because I have a life to live and I _refuse _to give it up for you, _refuse _to give it up for your fucked-up love, for _my _fucked-up longing for absolute emptiness, because I know there is something so much _better _than that emptiness and I'm going to find it or by God I'll die _trying_.

That's what makes us different.

_(So different but alas so alike) _

But the fact both of us can't resist a coupling like this – _so pleasurable but at the same time so painful because we both KNOW what's going to happen next – _is what makes us the same.

We're selfish bastards and we both know it.

"There's something different about you today, Sasuke," you breathe in my ear, barely audible above the pounding of my heartbeat in my head as we finally collapse, chests slick against each other with both rain and sweat. "Something… _very _different."

My eyes widen.

You know.

_(Oh God) _

You sigh, your breath washing over my abused, battered throat.

"It's a shame," you murmur. "I want to take you with me."

I smile grimly, closing my eyes as I wonder how you found out.

Ah. I'm not supposed to wonder anymore.

"I'm not going with you," I breathe in reply. "My life is my own, as is yours. I won't be dragged down with you. I won't be dragged down _because _of you."

_(Never ever again) _

You leap off me as if I had slapped you, and – slowly, every bone in my body aching – I sit up to see you glaring down at me, your entire body glowing with rage.

But I don't care anymore. I stopped caring long ago.

I might not know what _you _think, but I don't care about death anymore.

No point in caring about the inevitable.

"I will _not_ be alone," you growl, your eyes – always red – darting back and forth in a mad panic before finally focusing on me again, bare in front of you and not really giving a damn.

"You _WILL _be alone," I reply. "Because that's what you've always wanted."

_(Never fight it again) _

Letting out an enraged roar, you vanish in a violent explosion of flame, and the powerful heat washes over me, making me cover my eyes to keep them from being singed.

Raising my eyes to see the clearing deserted, I let out an exhausted sigh. All remaining strength drains from my limbs, and I fall backwards – in all my naked glory – back down on the chill, muddy ground, immediately passing out.

_(Now comes the end) _

* * *

There is motion around me, and I open my eyes wearily to see a shocking mop of blonde hair floating above me and bright blue eyes surveying me worriedly. 

"Sasuke…" A familiar voice breathes as powerful, dry warmth surrounds me, bringing relief to my sore, cold limbs. "What happened? What did he _DO _to you?"

I recognize the speaker and smile tiredly up at him. _He _is my future, not you.

"Nothing at all," I reply sleepily, entertaining the idea of falling asleep again. "I just failed to give him what he wanted. But don't worry…" I attempt to raise a hand to touch those silly lines across the other's face, but find myself unable to move. I know he knows that I tried to do it though, the way his eyes flicker to my hand before looking back at my face. "You don't have to worry about him anymore. He's blind."

There came more than one surprised gasp from around me, and I immediately knew an entire team must've come to fetch me after sensing the commotion.

"You're serious?" He asks numbly. I nod.

"Yep. Saw it myself. Hey…" I blink up at him. "Can you do me a favor?"

He blinks back at me.

"Sure. What?"

I smile tiredly – warmly – up at him.

"I would love to go home…"

I know what happened to you. I know what I saw when I saw your eyes darting frantically around, searching for those ghosts that you think are there to steal away your light, when in truth _you _were the one that brought the darkness upon yourself. I know you're gone now, because I know what I saw.

"…Naruto."

I saw your ascent. Your ascent into the depths of madness.

**End Dedication One Shot – Ascent into the Depths of Madness**

_**Myownlife**_**, I hope you liked it. **

**Everyone else, same to you.**

**And as you can tell, I have tried a new writing style. I kind of like it. It's really nice, gives the entire story a more raw feel, ya know?**

**Review?**

**Ja ne.**

**DDB**


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